A Letter to Myself One Year From Now

Dear Ericka of 2018,

One year ago today, you and I embarked on a very gutsy quest.  We didn't know it at the time, for we only thought we were starting a weight loss journey.  But, as it turned out, we were taking the first step in getting our life back.

Oh, girl...  I know how overly dramatic that sounds, but it's the truth.  Let's be honest, last year, we were in a sad, pathetic state.  Gone was the gal who never turned down an adventure, who felt comfortable in her own skin, who was athletic and strong, and who lived life boldly.

Do you remember that day in August, the day when we left the doctor having just been diagnosed with perimenopause?  That was the fateful day in which we finally, after years of not knowing, learned exactly  what we weighed.  Surely, you remember the moment we saw that tell-tale number on the treatment plan, the moment that stopped us dead in our tracks en route to the car.  We stood there in the drizzling rain as the number sank in and our mind tried to process what we were seeing.  It was a number we had never seen before, not even at our previous heaviest weight.  

I am happy to tell you that much has changed since that rainy day a year ago. We've lost nearly 40 pounds and in so many ways, our life has improved.  At some times, our life is almost unrecognizable. 

We've both been around long enough to know how time has a way of blurring things, of making events fuzzy and harder to remember.  That's why I'm writing you today, so that we remember why we set out on this quest in the first place.

First of all, never think that this was about getting skinny, for it's never been about that.  Girl, we both know that it's just not in the cards for us to skinny. Skinnier, sure.  Thinner, absolutely.  But, skinny?  No.  We will never fit into single digit sized clothes, which constitutes skinny for us, and that's perfectly fine.

We wanted to be able to sit in an airplane seat more comfortably.  Remember the flight to Vegas last July?  We had the seatbelt loosened as far as it would go and it was still super snug.  Had we been any bigger, we would've needed an extender.

We wanted to zipline without worrying whether we'd make the weight limit or not. Remember when Aunt J asked us about going last summer and we conveniently changed the topic because we knew there was a good chance that we'd be over the weight limit?  Although we didn't know exactly how much we weighed at the time, we knew there was a good possibility we wouldn't make it.

We wanted to be comfortable in clothes.  Remember how disappointed we were when the purple Teddy the Dog t-shirt we ordered finally arrived and we discovered that the XXL was a bit too snug?

We wanted to be healthier.  Okay, so we weren't terribly unhealthy last summer, but we weren't necessarily healthy either.  But, we both know that we're not getting any younger and with each passing year, the weight made us more prone to sleep apnea, diabetes, heart attack, and a myriad of other medical conditions.

We wanted to feel better and have enough stamina and strength to pursue and complete whatever adventures our heart desired.

In the most simplest terms, we wanted to live again.

Chica, everything that we so desperately longed for last year, we now have as a result of hard work and dedication.  Not too many people can say that; not too many people ever get a shot to turn things around like we have.  We are very, very fortunate.  Do not forget that. 

And most of all, when temptation strikes, when bad days come, and life just happens like it always will, remember how good it feels to be where we are now. We can do anything we want, we can go anywhere we please, and that is freakin' fantastic.

Don't forget why we started this.  Don't forget all the trials we've experienced this past year to get where we are now.  Don't forget all the positive changes we've made, changes that allow us to live each day as if we stole it from death.

Continue to fight the good fight, Ericka, and keep living.

Sincerely, 

Ericka of 2017