A few weeks ago, a coworker/acquaintance of mine shared on Facebook that she had lost 47 pounds this past year. I immediately congratulated her and encouraged her to keep fighting the good fight. As someone who has ridden the weight loss roller coaster pretty much all her life, I know how hard the struggle is and how vital support from friends and family can be.
But, as I typed my congratulatory message, a dark place in my brain activated, the place where comparison and envy dwell, the home of my green eyed monster. For a few seconds, despite being genuinely happy for her, I found myself comparing my weight loss progress to hers. She lost 47 lbs. in twelve months; it took me 26 months to lose 42. Granted, when this lady first started losing weight, she was much larger than I was at my heaviest so she has more weight to lose overall, but still... For a few moments I found myself so envious of her accomplishment that I couldn't think of anything else. Luckily, the rational part of my brain fired up and reminded me of something very important, something that I truly believe but sometimes momentarily forget - other people's weight loss path is not my path and I need to quit comparing mine to that of others.
Then, one day a week or two later while perusing Facebook (I see a pattern here), I saw a post from an acquaintance whom I traveled with many years ago. The post showed her sitting on a balcony, glass of wine in hand, as she gazed out at the urban skyline of a city in South Korea. Her caption read, "Sixty countries before I'm thirty. #missionaccomplished."
Once again, as I hit the "like" button to express my sincere admiration of this impressive accomplishment, I mean seriously - 60 countries before the age of 30 is quite a feat, my green eyed monster woke up again. As I lay in bed in the early morning darkness, I quietly counted the number of countries I've visited (which is less than a third of what my acquaintance has visited). A few minutes later, while showering for work, another thought took over - my acquaintance has visited 60 countries and she's not even 30 year old. I'm 44 and have only visited 35 states. Womp, womp...
I'd love to say that the rational part of my brain immediately stepped in and performed a quick intervention, but it did not. I stood there in the shower, motionless, and for a few minutes I remembered all the plans I had in my youth, plans of traveling the world. Granted, I've seen parts of the world I never expected to see and for that I'm very thankful, but in that moment, the moment when my green eyed monster was running amok, all I could think about were the places I haven't seen and that alone made me feel like a complete failure.
The rational part of my brain finally did step up that day and intervene, but it was really slow in its appearance. And, honestly, it took me a little while to let that one go. Finally, after it lingered in my brain for the better part of the day, I told myself that I was being stupid. I reminded myself that the life my young acquaintance leads, the life which allows her to venture all over the globe, isn't the life for me. And yes, while I would love to have seen all the places she has, I wouldn't be willing to make the sacrifices that she has in order to see them.
I know it's human nature to compare ourselves to others; it's a way of keeping ourselves in check, of seeing where we stand in this world. It's just something that we do and no one is immune. It happens to the best of us despite our best efforts. Envy, an advanced form of comparison, is a very primitive gut feeling. But, the great thing about our sophisticated brains is that we can override that feeling and nip it in the bud before it gets out of hand. We all have the power to send our green eyed monsters back to their rooms.
There are numerous articles and websites online that are devoted to helping one overcome envy. But, for me, there are four things that I practice in order to keep the green eyed monster in check.
Keep it Real
I'm all about keeping it real, even during moments when my green eyed monster is nowhere to be seen. But, when I'm experiencing envy, keeping it real puts things into perspective.
For example, there will always be people out there who are thinner than I am. That's an undeniable fact. But, on the flip side, there will always be people out there who are bigger than I am, too. Yes, my coworker/acquaintance lost more weight in one year than I did in over two years, but I have no idea what she had to do to achieve that loss. I'm only seeing her weight loss results, not her weight loss process. And, if I'm being honest, she may have done things I don't want to do. She's only showing us her highlight reel, not her behind this scenes images. That's keeping it real.
Remember That Not Everything is a Competition
We are a society that focuses much of our time and energy on winning and being the best. Often, because of that, I think we have a hard time realizing that not everything in life is a competition and that there are many situations in which everyone can win.
When I learned of my coworker's weight loss, I briefly allowed her weight loss success to eclipse that of my own. For a few moments, I felt like her success took away my success when in reality it did nothing of the sort. I had to remember that her losing 47 lbs. didn't negate the fact that I had lost 42. She didn't gain anything that I didn't gain - we both improved our health and our quality of life. We both won.
Refocus My Gratitude
I once read that gratitude is one of the most powerful tools to help us shift ourselves into a positive state because the feelings of gratitude and lack cannot simultaneously exist. I wholeheartedly believe this.
Even though it took a while for me to do this in the instance with my globe-trotting acquaintance, once I did it, once I shifted my thoughts to all the places that I've been blessed to have traveled to, many of which I never dreamed I'd see, it helped quiet the envious thoughts in my head.
Taking a Social Media Hiatus
Facebook, for me, is like a blessing and a curse. Before Facebook, the only social media I use with any regularity, keeping in touch with people required a lot of effort. It required phone calls, emails, and even letters that required stamps. Yes, I'm that old... The advent of Facebook made it so much easier for me to stay connected with people and over the years I've enjoyed seeing snippets of their lives that I might not otherwise see.
But, therein lies the rub. Had it not been for Facebook, I wouldn't have known exactly how many pounds my coworker had lost. Yes, I'd know that she had lost weight because I saw her at a meeting, but I wouldn't know the details. I also wouldn't been privy to knowing that my traveling acquaintance had visited 60 countries. Truth is, she and I probably would've lost touch years ago. Social media allows us to cast a very wide net in terms of people with whom we stay connected. But, in doing so, we increase the particulars of their lives that we see. I usually enjoy these particulars, like seeing my high school friends' kids homecoming pictures or the photos that an acquaintance took while visiting Africa or seeing the before and after pictures of a friend who has lost a jaw-dropping 100 lbs. But, sometimes I find myself bombarded with posts that stir my envy and keep stirring it, never allowing it to settle, which makes it hard to keep my green eyed monster in check. It's during those times that I take a self-imposed Facebook hiatus. Sometimes taking myself out of the line of fire is the best thing I can do.
What are some strategies that you employ to keep envy in check? As always, thanks for stopping by!
Once again, as I hit the "like" button to express my sincere admiration of this impressive accomplishment, I mean seriously - 60 countries before the age of 30 is quite a feat, my green eyed monster woke up again. As I lay in bed in the early morning darkness, I quietly counted the number of countries I've visited (which is less than a third of what my acquaintance has visited). A few minutes later, while showering for work, another thought took over - my acquaintance has visited 60 countries and she's not even 30 year old. I'm 44 and have only visited 35 states. Womp, womp...
I'd love to say that the rational part of my brain immediately stepped in and performed a quick intervention, but it did not. I stood there in the shower, motionless, and for a few minutes I remembered all the plans I had in my youth, plans of traveling the world. Granted, I've seen parts of the world I never expected to see and for that I'm very thankful, but in that moment, the moment when my green eyed monster was running amok, all I could think about were the places I haven't seen and that alone made me feel like a complete failure.
The rational part of my brain finally did step up that day and intervene, but it was really slow in its appearance. And, honestly, it took me a little while to let that one go. Finally, after it lingered in my brain for the better part of the day, I told myself that I was being stupid. I reminded myself that the life my young acquaintance leads, the life which allows her to venture all over the globe, isn't the life for me. And yes, while I would love to have seen all the places she has, I wouldn't be willing to make the sacrifices that she has in order to see them.
I know it's human nature to compare ourselves to others; it's a way of keeping ourselves in check, of seeing where we stand in this world. It's just something that we do and no one is immune. It happens to the best of us despite our best efforts. Envy, an advanced form of comparison, is a very primitive gut feeling. But, the great thing about our sophisticated brains is that we can override that feeling and nip it in the bud before it gets out of hand. We all have the power to send our green eyed monsters back to their rooms.
There are numerous articles and websites online that are devoted to helping one overcome envy. But, for me, there are four things that I practice in order to keep the green eyed monster in check.
Keep it Real
I'm all about keeping it real, even during moments when my green eyed monster is nowhere to be seen. But, when I'm experiencing envy, keeping it real puts things into perspective.
For example, there will always be people out there who are thinner than I am. That's an undeniable fact. But, on the flip side, there will always be people out there who are bigger than I am, too. Yes, my coworker/acquaintance lost more weight in one year than I did in over two years, but I have no idea what she had to do to achieve that loss. I'm only seeing her weight loss results, not her weight loss process. And, if I'm being honest, she may have done things I don't want to do. She's only showing us her highlight reel, not her behind this scenes images. That's keeping it real.
Remember That Not Everything is a Competition
We are a society that focuses much of our time and energy on winning and being the best. Often, because of that, I think we have a hard time realizing that not everything in life is a competition and that there are many situations in which everyone can win.
When I learned of my coworker's weight loss, I briefly allowed her weight loss success to eclipse that of my own. For a few moments, I felt like her success took away my success when in reality it did nothing of the sort. I had to remember that her losing 47 lbs. didn't negate the fact that I had lost 42. She didn't gain anything that I didn't gain - we both improved our health and our quality of life. We both won.
Refocus My Gratitude
I once read that gratitude is one of the most powerful tools to help us shift ourselves into a positive state because the feelings of gratitude and lack cannot simultaneously exist. I wholeheartedly believe this.
Even though it took a while for me to do this in the instance with my globe-trotting acquaintance, once I did it, once I shifted my thoughts to all the places that I've been blessed to have traveled to, many of which I never dreamed I'd see, it helped quiet the envious thoughts in my head.
Taking a Social Media Hiatus
Facebook, for me, is like a blessing and a curse. Before Facebook, the only social media I use with any regularity, keeping in touch with people required a lot of effort. It required phone calls, emails, and even letters that required stamps. Yes, I'm that old... The advent of Facebook made it so much easier for me to stay connected with people and over the years I've enjoyed seeing snippets of their lives that I might not otherwise see.
But, therein lies the rub. Had it not been for Facebook, I wouldn't have known exactly how many pounds my coworker had lost. Yes, I'd know that she had lost weight because I saw her at a meeting, but I wouldn't know the details. I also wouldn't been privy to knowing that my traveling acquaintance had visited 60 countries. Truth is, she and I probably would've lost touch years ago. Social media allows us to cast a very wide net in terms of people with whom we stay connected. But, in doing so, we increase the particulars of their lives that we see. I usually enjoy these particulars, like seeing my high school friends' kids homecoming pictures or the photos that an acquaintance took while visiting Africa or seeing the before and after pictures of a friend who has lost a jaw-dropping 100 lbs. But, sometimes I find myself bombarded with posts that stir my envy and keep stirring it, never allowing it to settle, which makes it hard to keep my green eyed monster in check. It's during those times that I take a self-imposed Facebook hiatus. Sometimes taking myself out of the line of fire is the best thing I can do.
What are some strategies that you employ to keep envy in check? As always, thanks for stopping by!
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That is a very hard thing to do because as a society we want more. I just think of the countries I have been to that is a lot less fortunate than ours and remember there is a lot of people out there with nothing.
ReplyDeleteSo very true.
DeleteThank you. No, no developer was used; I simply utilized one of the free templates provided by blogger.
ReplyDeleteOh, I feel your pain! My daughter's been spending a lot of time at a friend's house - whose house is easily 4 times the size of ours, with a recording studio in the basement, 4+ car *2 story* garage, etc. It's hard to remember all your own blessings when faced with things like this!
ReplyDeleteReally great post, Erika. I thinks your workarounds are all very important. Gratitude, which I am working on (among many other things) is so important. Way to keep this topic, and your readers, real! <3 #ablogginggoodtime xoxo
ReplyDeleteIt is really hard but we all work and achieve in different ways and at different rates. Great post Thanks for linking to #ablogginggoodtime
ReplyDeleteThis is a very thoughtful post. We are all on our own journeys and although it's often inevitable it's not always helpful to make comparisons with other people.
ReplyDelete