My Happy List - What I Enjoyed in May (Vol. 8)

In keeping with my plan to periodically "check-in" and share some of the things that have brought me enjoyment, (ENJOY is my word of the year, after all), please allow me to share a sampling of the things that I enjoyed in May.

I enjoyed...

May 2...  attending Thurby (the name given to the day of racing at Churchill Downs the Thursday before the Kentucky Derby) with my speech path buddies, Ka and H.  We enjoyed the weather, the abundant opportunities for "people watching," being off from work, and being able to spend the day together.

4...  spending a quiet day at home, watching the Kentucky Derby on TV, and making bad bets from the comfort of my living room.

9...  having dinner with two very dear friends whom I used to work with at my previous school.

15...  the phone conversation with my octogenarian grandparents during my afternoon commute.

21...  dinner with my former carpool buddies on a day when I   desperately needed a time-out from life.  It was nice just to do something "normal" for a few hours.*

24...  joining my R's siblings for a few hours to listen to a live band and celebrate my brother-in-law's 60th birthday.

29...  watching Aladdin.

And, because a friend of mine pointed out that I posted my April Happy List post before the month was "officially" over, here's a bonus item:

April 27...  finishing the KDF Mini Marathon in less time than it took me last year and establishing a new PR.

Have a wonderful weekend!

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*I despise cryptic messages, so I'd like to elaborate as to why I needed so do something "normal" on the 21st. Three days before, on May 18, my stepson died of cardiac arrest. He was 23 years old.  We are, as one would expect, still adjusting to our new normal.

Day Seven of My New Reality

"I’ve always believed that life is weird and random and mysterious. There’s no rhyme or reason as to why some things happen and some things don’t. In short, more often than not, life makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. 

Despite this belief, there’s a certain natural order that I, along with most people I think, typically expect - we are born, we grow up, we grow old, and then we die. From an early age, we expect grandparents and parents to die before us. That’s the “natural order” that we presume our lives should take.  

Death, under any circumstance, is hard. The death of a child, however, is often more difficult because it completely disrupts this natural order that we believe in.

My paternal grandparents outlived two of their four children. My grandfather once told me, in a rare moment of emotional expression and vulnerability, when my uncle and aunt died, that he lost a part of himself. 

Yesterday, my husband's 23 year old son died.  Yesterday, R lost a part of himself. 

Right now, life make absolutely no sense whatsoever. 

The upcoming days will bring rolling waves of emotion and an endless array of questions that probably have no answers.  Our lives are forever changed."

My stepson died on Saturday, May 18, 2019.  On the day after his passing, I posted the above statement on Facebook.  It came a day after my husband woke me in the early morning hours to tell me that his son had apparently collapsed in the house he shared with 3 friends and was found unresponsive by one of his roommates.  Despite the best efforts of first responders, he was unable to be revived.  

This time last week, neither my husband or I had any idea that our lives would be so drastically and permanently changed within 7 hours.  We had no idea that when the sun set that evening, it would be the last sunset his son would ever see.  Whoever coined the phrase "life turns on dime" was absolutely right.

Today is day seven of what R and I are calling "our new reality."  During the past seven days, we have survived the initial shock, made the necessary arrangements, attended the services, and said our goodbyes.  We have taken GA as far as we can take him; where he has gone, we cannot follow.

Why the Week After a Half Marathon is Always Weird

On the last Saturday in April, I walked my third half marathon and I beat the time it took me to complete the same half marathon ten years earlier (at the age of 35) by 20 minutes.  I also shaved 4 minutes off my time from last year and established a new PR!  In the moments after I crossed the finish line and for the next 48 hours or so, I was absolutely elated. 

You see, it was an accomplishment I wasn't sure I would be able to attain this year.  The overly rainy winter made it difficult to get in all my training walks and coming down with food poisoning (or whatever it was) knocked me out of commission for two weeks in early April.  In the week leading up to the race, I admit that I didn't feel ready and I seriously doubted I'd be able to beat last year's time (my only goal).  Once I crossed the finish line and realized that I had beaten my time, I was so overcome by emotion that I cried.  I rode that accomplishment high for the next two days.  Then, just as I had anticipated, three days later the post race blues hit.  The week after a half marathon, for me at least, has always been weird.

Luckily, I knew to anticipate this weirdness because that wasn't, as they say, my first rodeo.  

In 2009, after my first half marathon, the post race blues hit me hard.  For that race, I had overcome numerous obstacles ranging from plantar fasciitis to shin splints to lower back issues caused by an auto accident.  Start to finish, I invested 16 months of my life to a road race that took me less than 4 hours to finish.  I was so happy when I crossed the finish line and I felt so proud of myself for having pushed through all the difficult challenges I faced to see that endeavor through to the end.  But, considering all the time, effort, money, sweat, and tears that I put into that half marathon, I truly expected the euphoric feeling to last longer than it did.  Within a few days, my life had returned to normal and I realized that despite everything I had sacrificed, that nothing had really changed, with the exception that I felt directionless and that walking had lost all its appeal.  Seriously, I didn't walk again for exercise until 2016 - 7 years later.  I burned myself out that badly.

I've always heard that the higher your emotions soar on the day of an achievement or the more consumed your are towards the attainment of a goal - be it a race or graduation or whatever - the lower you feel afterward.  That's exactly what happened to me.  The sudden shift from months and months of training and having such an intense focus on the goal to everyday real life left me feeling more let down than I had ever known.  The best way I can describe it is like zipping along the intestate going about 80 or 90 mph for hours and then suddenly slamming on the brakes, bringing the car to a complete halt. 

When I opted to participate in the same half marathon in 2018, my approach was completely different.  Instead of being so consumed by the attainment of the goal, I simply focused on enjoying the journey.  Also, my motivation had changed.  I had two motivating factors - one, to do it with my friend who is a breast cancer survivor and two, to simply better my physical well being. The overall experience was so different from my first, I actually enjoyed it and it didn't consume me.   But, even despite this, I still felt a little let down the week following the race.  From January to the end of April, a significant portion of my life had been spent preparing for that race - and I'm not just talking about the training schedule and actual walking.  In addition to pounding the pavement, I spent a lot of time looking at weather reports, planning my walks around the weather, sometimes rearranging other life and work obligations in order to get in my walks, and planning what I would would wear in various elements I encountered.  Even though I wasn't hard-core in my training, the KDF Mini Marathon shaped what I did nearly every single day. Once it was over, there was a palpable void in my life.  

Knowing that these weird, post race blues are inevitable, here are some things I did this year to combat the weirdness.

First, I gave myself permission to feel what I was feeling and not to beat myself up about it.  A simple Google search brings up dozens and dozens of articles and blogs that touch on the subject of post race blues.  This feeling is more common than one might think.  It helped knowing that I wasn't alone in what I was feeling.

Second, I made plans to attend Churchill Downs for a day of horse racing with friends during the week after the half marathon.  It was nice to have something, even if it was just a small, single day event, to look forward to.

Third, I set my sights on my next challenge - a mud obstacle course run in September.  Although I will still utilize my walking for my cardio training, I have to diversify my workouts to include upper body strength.  Switching it up has been a nice change of pace and I do enjoy having something to work towards.

I fully expect to have another weird week after I complete the Rugged Maniac in late summer. Thankfully, I know how to deal with the weirdness and know that the weirdness won't last forever.


Have you experienced any kind of post-event blues?  How did you cope with feeling down?

Photo Credit: Bui Huy via Pexels

Heaven and Earth - Wordless Wednesday (Vol. 44)

"I couldn't tell where the heavens stopped and Earth began.  It was so beautiful."  - Forrest Gump

Linking up with:

Wordless Wednesday

bethere2day

Imagine-in-ing

Currently... (Vol. 39)

Attending...  Thurby, as I have every year for the past 4 years with my speech path buddies Ka and H. This will more than likely be our last Thurby, though, because the event's popularity has driven up ticket prices and has made getting covered, grandstand seats harder to get.  We will probably just alter our tradition a bit and go to Churchill Downs on the Wednesday of Derby week next year.

Crossing...  my fingers that the rain holds off until later this evening.

Feeling...  accomplished.  I completed the KDF Mini Marathon this past weekend as a walker and I beat my PR from last year by 4 minutes!  I was very uncertain if I would be able to beat my time  because of the gastro sickness that knocked me out of commission for two weeks earlier last month, but I did!

Doctoring...  two very sore toenails that are an interesting shade of purply-red at the moment.  I suspect they will turn black eventually.  Oh, the joys of walking/running long distances.

Counting...  down the days until the end of school - 15, not including today.

Ready...  for all the end of the school year craziness - paperwork out the wazoo, endless amounts of filing, state assessments...  Bring it!  LOL!

Preparing...  to pack up my therapy stuff and belongings at work.  It looks like I'll be in a different room next year.

Reading Listening...  to nothing at the moment.  Whomp, whomp.  

Ready...  to clean off the deck and spend some quality time sitting outside.  My beagle, Rascal, is ready for some quality deck sitting time, too.

Shopping...  for new bedsheets.  The ones I have aren't deep enough to stay on my new mattress very well.

Laughing... at this:

Agreeing...  with this:

April in a Snapshot:

1) View of the Bahamas from 38,000 feet, snorkeling with C in Ocho Rios,
my default drink after getting sick in Jamaica.
2) Kayaking in Jamaica, sunrise as viewed from my school, colors of spring.
3) Flowering dogwood, my friend D and I before the KDF Mini Marathon,
the horse that won me $40 on opening night.

What have you been up to lately?

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