If We Were Having Coffee... (Vol. 4 - Things I'm Trying to Wrap My Mind Around)

...on this Sunday evening, I'd suggest sitting outside on my deck. The weather is nice and it's not too humid.  If you're worried about mosquitoes, I have one of those mosquito repellant lanterns and it works surprisingly well. I'd be drinking a Woodchuck raspberry cider and, of course, I'd offer you one. I'd also offer you a soda, water, or one of R's beers.  R is inside watching TV.  I could ask him to make you something coffee-ish in his french press thing if you'd like.

My deck isn't nearly as big or as nice as my parents' deck in West Virginia and there are no mountains in the distance to view, but I do have a green, spacious back yard and lots of trees. Well, the trees aren't mine, they belong to my neighbors, but they line one entire length of my property as well as the back, giving my back yard a private, semi-woodsy feel. If we're lucky, we'll be treated to a brilliant light show in the trees. The lightning bugs have been very active the past two weeks. 

"There are times when I'm sitting out here," I'd say, "especially when there's very little traffic noise from the surface streets and the expressway to the north, that I actually forget I live in a city." It's a pleasant space that I'm very thankful for. I spend a lot of time out here when I'm off from work in the summer. It's my happy place.

My dog, Rascal, would be busy roaming around the yard, taking in all the scents, checking out her kingdom. As with most beagles, her nose never stops. "She'll eventually want to come up here and join us," I'd warn you. She's a friendly dog and will sit beside you contentedly as long as you pet her. But the minute you stop, she'll want to jump up in your lap. "She's always considered herself a lap dog," I'd say with a chuckle. "Apparently, she didn't get the memo saying that she's not." I'd then warn you, because of all the rain we've received this week, that she stinks to high heaven.

Several minutes would then pass as we sat in silence, watching Rascal roam around the fence line. When she'd linger at this one particular spot where the chain link fence meets the wooden privacy fence and I'd point it out to you. "See where she's at? There's a small gap between the fences. It's not big enough for Rascal to get through, but big enough for rabbits to come and go." I'd then tell you how I've seen many rabbits venture into the yard to eat the clover over the years. Rascal has been in high speed pursuit after many of them and there were a couple of times in which I thought the bunny was a goner. Luckily, the rabbits have always been just a tad bit faster than Rascal. 

The silence would then fall between us again as I'd look out into the falling darkness, lost in thought. You'd ask if I'm okay and say that I seem different. I'd turn to you, smile, and tell you that I was just tired. I'd take a sip of my cider and then clarify by saying that I'm physically ok, but that my mind is weary. 

Rascal would come up to the gate, indicating that she'd like to join us.  Unless you objected, I'd let her on the deck.  She'd go up to you and give you a good sniff, checking you out.  After a while she'd fall in beside me and I'd scratch the top of her head and rub her velvety ears.  

I'd then share with you that I went to bed around 11pm on Friday night.   I was tired, truly exhausted, physically and mentally, but I could not fall asleep. My mind raced and nothing I did helped in terms of slowing it down. 

Pray for Orlando
Westboro Baptist Church
Gun Control
Right to Bear Arms
Hate Crimes
ISIS
Islamophobia

Trump

Clinton

Alton Sterling

Philander Castile
Police Misconduct

Black Lives Matter

Pray for Dallas

All Lives Matter

My mind raced from one thing to the next and back again, trying to comprehend it all. After three hours of tossing and turning, I finally fell asleep only to wake up yesterday morning still mentally drained.

I'd then admit to you how concerned I am about the future. I fear that we've reached some tipping point, a tipping point from which I don't know if we can recover. And, as long as I was being completely open and honest with you, I'd say, "I don't know where we, as a society, can go from here." After a long pause, I'd continue, "For all the progress we've made..." I'd trail off. "Sometimes it feels like a 'one step up and two steps back' kind of thing." 

Knowing me as you do, you'd know that worrying isn't something I do very much of, for I believe that worrying has no benefits. Worry robs you of joy, robs you of your health, and robs you of being present in the present.  The fact that I've lost sleep over these recent events would be an indication of my level of concern.

"Sometimes we seem more divided than united and I don't know what the solution is.  I don't think anyone does," I'd say. "All I know to do," I'd continue, as I softly petted the top of Rascal's head, "is to be kinder, love deeper, respect all life, leave more than I take, and continue to pray...  for all of us." 

-|-

Thank you for joining me this evening and reading my latest If We Were Having Coffee post.  I apologize for it being a downer, so-to-speak, but these are things that, obviously, have weighed heavily on my mind lately and I just needed to let them out.

Linking up with Diana @ Part Time Monster 

#weekendcoffeeshare

&
Mackenzie @ Reflections From Me