Sunday, July 10, 2016

If We Were Having Coffee... (Vol. 4 - Things I'm Trying to Wrap My Mind Around)

...on this Sunday evening, I'd suggest sitting outside on my deck. The weather is nice and it's not too humid.  If you're worried about mosquitoes, I have one of those mosquito repellant lanterns and it works surprisingly well. I'd be drinking a Woodchuck raspberry cider and, of course, I'd offer you one. I'd also offer you a soda, water, or one of R's beers.  R is inside watching TV.  I could ask him to make you something coffee-ish in his french press thing if you'd like.

My deck isn't nearly as big or as nice as my parents' deck in West Virginia and there are no mountains in the distance to view, but I do have a green, spacious back yard and lots of trees. Well, the trees aren't mine, they belong to my neighbors, but they line one entire length of my property as well as the back, giving my back yard a private, semi-woodsy feel. If we're lucky, we'll be treated to a brilliant light show in the trees. The lightning bugs have been very active the past two weeks. 

"There are times when I'm sitting out here," I'd say, "especially when there's very little traffic noise from the surface streets and the expressway to the north, that I actually forget I live in a city." It's a pleasant space that I'm very thankful for. I spend a lot of time out here when I'm off from work in the summer. It's my happy place.

My dog, Rascal, would be busy roaming around the yard, taking in all the scents, checking out her kingdom. As with most beagles, her nose never stops. "She'll eventually want to come up here and join us," I'd warn you. She's a friendly dog and will sit beside you contentedly as long as you pet her. But the minute you stop, she'll want to jump up in your lap. "She's always considered herself a lap dog," I'd say with a chuckle. "Apparently, she didn't get the memo saying that she's not." I'd then warn you, because of all the rain we've received this week, that she stinks to high heaven.

Several minutes would then pass as we sat in silence, watching Rascal roam around the fence line. When she'd linger at this one particular spot where the chain link fence meets the wooden privacy fence and I'd point it out to you. "See where she's at? There's a small gap between the fences. It's not big enough for Rascal to get through, but big enough for rabbits to come and go." I'd then tell you how I've seen many rabbits venture into the yard to eat the clover over the years. Rascal has been in high speed pursuit after many of them and there were a couple of times in which I thought the bunny was a goner. Luckily, the rabbits have always been just a tad bit faster than Rascal. 

The silence would then fall between us again as I'd look out into the falling darkness, lost in thought. You'd ask if I'm okay and say that I seem different. I'd turn to you, smile, and tell you that I was just tired. I'd take a sip of my cider and then clarify by saying that I'm physically ok, but that my mind is weary. 

Rascal would come up to the gate, indicating that she'd like to join us.  Unless you objected, I'd let her on the deck.  She'd go up to you and give you a good sniff, checking you out.  After a while she'd fall in beside me and I'd scratch the top of her head and rub her velvety ears.  

I'd then share with you that I went to bed around 11pm on Friday night.   I was tired, truly exhausted, physically and mentally, but I could not fall asleep. My mind raced and nothing I did helped in terms of slowing it down. 

Pray for Orlando
Westboro Baptist Church
Gun Control
Right to Bear Arms
Hate Crimes
Alton Sterling
Philander Castile
Police Misconduct
Black Lives Matter
Pray for Dallas
All Lives Matter

My mind raced from one thing to the next and back again, trying to comprehend it all. After three hours of tossing and turning, I finally fell asleep only to wake up yesterday morning still mentally drained.

I'd then admit to you how concerned I am about the future. I fear that we've reached some tipping point, a tipping point from which I don't know if we can recover. And, as long as I was being completely open and honest with you, I'd say, "I don't know where we, as a society, can go from here." After a long pause, I'd continue, "For all the progress we've made..." I'd trail off. "Sometimes it feels like a 'one step up and two steps back' kind of thing." 

Knowing me as you do, you'd know that worrying isn't something I do very much of, for I believe that worrying has no benefits. Worry robs you of joy, robs you of your health, and robs you of being present in the present.  The fact that I've lost sleep over these recent events would be an indication of my level of concern.

"Sometimes we seem more divided than united and I don't know what the solution is.  I don't think anyone does," I'd say. "All I know to do," I'd continue, as I softly petted the top of Rascal's head, "is to be kinder, love deeper, respect all life, leave more than I take, and continue to pray...  for all of us." 


Thank you for joining me this evening and reading my latest If We Were Having Coffee post.  I apologize for it being a downer, so-to-speak, but these are things that, obviously, have weighed heavily on my mind lately and I just needed to let them out.

Linking up with Diana @ Part Time Monster 

Mackenzie @ Reflections From Me


  1. I feel the same way. Just when I think things can't get worse in this country...another horrible thing happens, and then more back and forth hate flies all over social media. I just wish the killing would stop.

  2. I have many of the same worries... So much hate and violence and are we at a tipping point? Can we recover? These are scary times. On a lighter note, your back yard sounds so relaxing.

  3. If we were having coffee I would say that I absolutely share all of your worries. These are very strange times that we are living in and there just seems to be one awful news story after another at the moment. My daughter's also share our concerns and I have tried to reassure my youngest by encouraging her to try to make a positive difference to someone's life everyday. I know this will not solve the world's problems but at least she will feel that she is doing something and it focuses her mind on the positive. Take care lovely xx #mg

  4. Would love to have coffee together. Pet Rascal and look into your yard. I'd share your fears and worries. It's all elevated, whether it be due to social media, regular media, or just because it's really elevated. I'd cry with you. I'd be scared with you. And damn it, I'd try to have us find a way to reverse this mayhem and madness. This cannot be how our light goes out. #mg

  5. Whenever I get overrun with this stuff (and I was last week), I remind myself...Great change does not come about silently...there's often some level of violence that accompanies it. Look at the civil rights movement - this is a continuation. It absolutely sucks but I feel like with a great pushing from all sides, something will pop.

  6. I'm with you. My mind, my emotions, my thoughts are all over the place. I watched in horror the Philando Castile video that his girlfriend posted. Towards the end, seeing her daughter's face and hearing her voice, made me so, so sad that this young child witnessed this event. Then, before I could adequately process that event, Dallas happened. As you know, with the floodings in WV, when something happens in our "home" state, it hurts just a little more. If we were having coffee (well, actually, I'd be having cider with you), I have a feeling that we'd be talking late into the night.

    1. It has been quite a mentally exhausting summer. It seems as if not a week has passed since school let out in which something hasn't gone down. I don't typically get bogged down by the plight of humanity or the troubles of our nation, but this summer has been different. And here's a kicker - I have only watched a few newscasts, so it's not like I am openly inviting all this stuff into my world, but everything has found it's way in anyway. Perhaps one day our paths will cross and we'll find ourselves on the same continent. We can have a beer or cider and have a proper chat in person. Have a good one, girl!

  7. that cider sounds nice, so does sitting silent and seeing Rascal. I love your imagery. From afar I see so much happening in America on my news screen, or hear flashes on the radio, I pray for you all, I pray for our world. #mg

    1. Living in America right now is a weird experience, one that I haven't found the words to express. Thank you for the compliment regarding my imagery. I appreciate it.

  8. The cider sounds delicious!

    Rascal could definitely come up if I was there. I love Beagles.

    The world is a scary place right now, and sadly I can't see it getting better any time soon :-(

    1. Rascal would enjoy some attention from someone other than me! Have a good one!


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