- A loose-fitting t-shirt; preferably one that features the Chicago Cubs, Marshall University, Teddy the Dog, or some travel destination. If it's chilly, pair with a dark colored, Columbia fleece jacket.
- Loose-fitting athletic pants, preferably either Adidas or Under Armour. Yoga pants or leggings will not work. If you are in a pinch, bootcut jeans will suffice as long as you wear them with a basic brown or black belt.
- A tube of Burt's Bees Beeswax Lip Balm (to be kept in your right pants' pocket.)
- A Fit Bit Zip (to be kept in your left pants' pocket.)
- A pair of running sneakers, preferably ASICS.
- A can of Diet Dr. Pepper Cherry.
- Either a crossbody purse or a student-style backpack with flags of foreign countries all over it.
How to Pull Off the Character:
- Wear no makeup. None.
- Your hair can be dried and ironed straight. For a more common look, should be allowed to dry naturally so that it has unruly, "beachy" waves.
- Have a resting bitch face.
- Wear minimal jewelry - a simple necklace, silver wedding band, maybe a simple bracelet on left wrist. Earrings should be simple studs.
- Speak with a deep voice.
- Laugh in a free-flowing, hearty manner.
- Possess knowledge of random 80s trivia - especially of pop culture, music, and movies of the 80s. Knowledge of "one hit wonders" and Bon Jovi discography are a must.
- Know very little current popular culture - especially TV shows, music, celebrity gossip, and most things on Instagram.
- Have little dark bruises on your upper forearms (evidence of the dry needling sessions you've recently had to treat your tennis elbow).
- If at a party or some other gathering with a lot of people, hang out along the perimeter of the gathering so that you can observe people and their interactions.
- Once you are in a smaller group, quick whit is essential!
- Be VERY expressive with your facial expressions - this is something you are known for!
- Decline straws.
- Don't allow foods on your plate to touch one another.
- Love, love, love the color purple.
Phrases/Vocabulary the Character is Known For:
- "Let me think about it."
- "I'd love to travel there."
- "Well, shit fire..."
- "It poured the rain."
- "Really? Really?"
- "You're killin' me, Smalls..."
Have a very Happy Halloween!
|Photo Credit: Matheus Bertelli from Pexels|