Dear... (Humpday Confessions Vol. 9)

*I'm utilizing a somewhat different format this week for my confessions. #INeedAChange

Dear printer/copier in the teacher workroom, 

You suck. I’m in the middle of printing end of the year progress reports that are to go home on Friday and you choose now to quit "responding."  I’m on a deadline, dude. You need to get with the program. #Ain’tNobodyGotTimeForThis 

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Dear dump-truck that littered the interstate with little granules of something hard yesterday morning on my way to work,

Thanks for peppering my car with your spillage and making my hood look like it’s been shot with buckshot. #InNeedOfAPaintJob

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Dear generic Apple Jacks,

Man, your crunchy texture really tore the roof of my mouth up! There should be a warning label on your bag that says, “Consumer is highly advised to let Apple Ohs soak in milk for a few minutes before eating.” #IMightEatNormallyByFriday

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Dear Daughter of Rock-n-Roll Royalty,

Your father supposedly had an affair with his hairdresser and you revenge tweet the mistress' phone number out to the masses.  The last time I checked, it takes two to tango.  Where's the tweet with your father's phone number?  #HippocriteMuch? 

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Dear bird outside my window who started chirping loudly at 4:55 am, a full hour before my alarm was set to go off,

I appreciate the fact that you adhere to the old adage about the early bird getting the worm, but can’t you go about getting that worm in a quieter fashion?  The sun's not even up for goodness sake!  Some of us couldn’t care less about getting the worm and we non-morning people need as much beauty sleep as we can possibly get. #BirdHuntingAnyone?

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Dear weather forecast,

Today is field day at my school. I really, really dislike field day.  I really, really need to spend the day inside working on paperwork instead of running some station in which I can’t figure out the premise and listening to kids complain all day about 1) being hot, 2) being thirsty, or 3) being bored. You’re saying there’s a 50% chance of rain. I say - bring it! Let it pour! Help a girl out, will ya? #MakeItRain #RainRainDon’tGoAway #BringOnTheMonsoon

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Dear Mr. Man,

I really have nothing to say at this point in the school year. I’m fighting with the printer (see above), am waist deep in paperwork, and there are only 3 days left in the school year. This is a stressful week for teachers and school based therapists; we have a lot to do and a short time to do it in. Honestly, is a sit down pow-wow with us at this point really necessary? I’m all talked out, my mind and body are weary, and I honestly don’t think I have the capacity to absorb anything you might say right now. #Let'sTalkInTheFall #HonorOurTime #Ain’tNobodyGotTimeForThis Either

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Dear Teenager,

You are not the first one to deal with the joys of teenagedom, nor will you be the last. Yes, these years can be awful, but I can promise you this - they will not last forever.  High school is just a snippet of time in your life.  There are many days ahead of you and much happiness to be had.  In the meantime, however, you need to learn some perseverance and quit surrendering so easily.    #ThereIsLifeAfterHighSchool

Sincerely, 

Ericka

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