Sunday, June 12, 2016

The Paradox of Being a Woman

Last week was an interesting time for me as a woman.  I saw Hillary Clinton become the first woman to ever receive the presidential nomination from one of our nation's two major political parties.  

On the other end of the spectrum, I saw a man, the former Stanford swimmer who was convicted of sexual assault, get a pathetic, slap on the wrist sentence for a crime that warranted more than six months in the county jail.  

It was a week in which women finally broke through a long standing glass ceiling and a week in which the justice system failed one of our own.

As I thought about these events, I considered my experience as a woman and the highs and lows I've experienced because I have a vagina.  All and all, I consider this day and age to be a good time to be a woman.  I've had more opportunities than my mother was ever afforded.  Millennial women, no doubt, have had more opportunities than Gen Xers like myself.  We are definitely making progress.

Despite how far we've come, I can't help but remember several instances in my life that illustrate exactly how some things have not changed at all.  It appears that the old saying, "The more things change, the more they stay the same." is an old saying for a reason.  There is some truth behind it, enough so to guarantee its continued usage decade after decade.  That was the inspiration for this post.


The Paradox of Being a Woman


If we're short, we're told to wear heels. Elongate those legs, baby...  The higher the better!  Pay no mind to how much they hurt!  If we're tall, we're told to wear flats because we shouldn't be taller than our boyfriends/husbands.


If we have small breasts, we're told to get implants because we're as "flat chested as a prepubescent boy." If we're well-endowed, we're told to cover up because exposing our breasts is indecent. 


If we keep up with fashion trends and get regular manicures, pedicures, and hair stylings, we're considered high maintenance.  If we don't, we're told that we're too plain and not attractive.


If we don't like wearing dresses or other girly garments, we're automatically considered to be lesbians.


If we are lesbians, we're told that all we need is a "real man" to show us what we've been missing and to convert us.  But, if we're going to make out or have sex with other women we should at least let the men watch.


If we're skinny, we're told that we need to gain some weight because men like a little meat on our bones and like some cushion for the pushin'.  Heaven forbid if we're overweight or our thighs touch or we have any stretch marks!  No one likes a fatty after all.


If we wear too much makeup, we're called tramps.  If we wear no makeup, we're told that we need to put more effort into our appearance.


If we're smart, we're told to go to college, get a job, and support ourselves.  But, be careful on how much education we get - because men don't like women who are smarter than they are.


If we wear long skirts, we're told to raise that hemline, girl, and show off those legs.  If we wear short skirts, we're told we look like hookers.


If we have consensual sex with some random, predetermined, moving target number of partners, we're sluts.  If we maintain our virginity, we're considered prudes.


If we become stay-at-home moms, we're told that we're not contributing to our families' finances.  If we are working mothers, we're told that we're putting our jobs first and neglecting our families.


If we have more than the median two point whatever children, we're reminded of how overpopulated the world is.  If we choose not to have children, we're considered selfish and less of a woman because we haven't procreated.

Sigh...


I have no idea what it is like to be man.  All I know is what it's like to be woman and the experiences I've had in my forty-something years.  I honestly feel that being a woman, right here, right now in this day and age, is probably easier than it ever has been, but it's still tough.  We've come a long way, but we're not there yet.

As always, thank you for stopping by.  


Linking up with:
*Friday Reflections Prompt: What are you thinking of right now?/Free write




21 comments:

  1. You sure pack a lot into one post.

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    1. I had a lot on my mind this week. Thanks for stopping by, E Man!

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  2. Seconded. So much information that is comment-worthy.
    No wonder women take on too much and try too hard. We literally try to do polar opposites at the same time.

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  3. The sooner we stop thinking about what other people think the better for us. I finally figured that out now that I'm a senior citizen. It is very freeing.

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  4. Hey, it's the same in all cultures. In my culture the difference is that women are not told, they're groomed into what are required of them, by elders; mothers, aunties, neighbors. I find the best way in ignoring them and do things in my own way. Yes, I'm a rebel, so be it.

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  5. Good post. I think there's still more to add though.

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    1. Oh, this is by no means a comprehensive list. I could have kept going. As my fingers started to tire from typing, knowing that there were still so many more instances in my head, I let out a audible sigh. That's when I decided to stop. Thank you for stopping by.

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  6. This is great. We just can't please everyone...and bollocks to them! #mg

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  7. so many truths... we can't do right for doing wrong can we lol?! #mg

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  8. Hello fellow gen-xer! I agree with everyone of these, which is why I like to just do what I want to do and to hell with the world but I think it's because I've finally reached that point in my life where pleasing others - my family in particular- is simply a waste of my precious time and was making me miserable. This is a great post and even though I'm sure you could have gone a lot further, these points are exactly what everyone needs to hear! Popping by from #mg

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  9. The complete truth in a single post. Loved it. It isn't any better here in India. Its worst. Yeah, my times better than my mom's.

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  10. We can't win, can we? It angers me so much that after all the fight, we still have cases like Brock Turner. The victim blaming has to stop. This is why we still need feminism. Because patriarchy continues to dominate. Thanks for linking up such a thought-provoking post!

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  11. I detest the fact that a woman has been considered a public property; anybody and everybody is allowed to have an opinion on the way a woman walks, talks, dresses, and even blinks. Even when she is raped, she is -- by some illogical and moronic explanation -- declared the reason of this heinous crime.
    Anyway, I second everything that you wrote in this post.

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  12. Yes! There are so many double standards, it's ridiculous. After Trump's "woman card" comment I wrote a post about the things we get with our woman cards... Like constantly being judged and put under a microscope for EVERYTHING--including all of those things you mention above and more! And obviously I don't know what it's like to be a man, but I know that they aren't judged nearly as harshly for their number of sexual partners, being a working parent (or staying home), etc. I really really REALLY loved this and I'm going to share a link to it in a post this week--probably on Friday!

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  13. Brilliant read! Smart and to the point! So true all you say here. With 2 daughters heading towards teenage years I just hope their father and I have instilled enough self belief in them that they can do anything they want and live to their own standards! Thanks for linking up #mg

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  14. So powerful womanhood is...to bear all these and come out as a winner. No men can ever rest into our shoes and feel this. Cheers to womanhood. nice read.

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  15. It's tough being a woman and even tougher trying to strike a balance between what a woman should do and what a woman should not. But I suppose the same goes for guys as well - you can either be a jock or a nerd, a macho man or a wimp, a sensitive man in touch with his feminine side or a MCP ..... Essentially it is difficult not to be a stereo type .
    But seriously I am happy to be what I am in this day and age where one still has the choice to be what one wants to be albeit with comments or otherwise. Far better than being excommunicated, ostracised or pilloried for not conforming to a stereotype.

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  16. Agree with you. We have come a long way, but this is not enough yet.

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  17. Yep. This is SO true. I agree with you 100%. Heaven forbid we just interact and go about our lives without constant scrutiny from men and other women. Ugh.

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  18. Amen.

    I dislike when people say men and women are equal. We are not. We are far from equal. We're the closest to equal that we've ever been, but we are in no way equal. Sometimes it's men that crap on us and sometimes it's other women. That hurts more, to me at least.

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  19. The fact that some women still claim to NOT be "feminists", like that's a bad word/trait, is another example of how we just are quite there yet. And, I saw a whole thread of my Texas bible belt loved ones talking about the Biblical passage that says we should be submissive to our husbands. I had to remove myself QUICKLY from that thread.

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